20170215

Reflection knocks 9: Waiting

Hello there, I find it ironic that when you thought you started to love it, it's gone. And how tiring waiting is. It's like you knew they wouldn't come but you still, persistently waiting for their arrival. Perhaps expecting them to say hey sorry I'm late today - but they didn't. Perhaps your disappointment overlapped too. But you believe that you meant well. They have their reasons. They will. And at the end of the day you'll just say perhaps Allah has a better plan for you, it's just that you didn't get it yet.

Through out the wait, I tried to dig out this quote - how true.

Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.
Signing off,
A student extremely tired of waiting for a fta pt today (still here)

20170214

Reflection knocks 8: Being happy on being here

Salam Februari:)

I guess I should write this down.
Today, out of my surprises (too), I actually feel happy doing what I'm doing.
On that chair, holding something, making up things.
I feel happy.

This is one kind of rareness in my life, you see.
At that moment, that simple few seconds moment, I talked to myself.
I smiled and I think I said alhamdulillah (kot) haha idk dalam hati kot
Well you don't really remember things that happened when you're in such moments, you see
You just feeeel it.

Happyness[:

Alhamdulillah,
I pray that such feeling would drop by again next time.


p/s: And I think I also started to enjoy it too - you know, that thing that I used to hate hehe what a weird day today is



love, 
here haha<3>

20170125

Reflection knocks 7: Judge, perception, words


Are we that quick to judge?

Ditakdirkan Allah, pagi ni kami ada talk. Well, itu biasa. But the guest is not. Hmm but then I've been following their activities and progress (literally) for quite some time so I kinda knew who they are, what they do and I personally have good perception of them.


But it turned sour - when I heard some unpleasant words. I guess they're inevitable, random words you unconsciously utter in response to whatever pass you by. Kot. But, knowing the other side of the story and having good vibes lulz within yourself, I can't help but feel kinda offended (who am I to be affected anyway) and go ouch over such words.


Then I wonder - are we that quick to judge?


You know, having a stranger in front of you, introducing themselves as you don't even know their names and their stories, and here we are - making up our own descriptions of them from what we perceive - based on whatever we have in hands, be it either something physical, swayed by our emotions, expectations and imaginations.


I guess whatever negative words we uttered at that moment was just an escapism - of what we are having. It's not where you want to be, it's not something you wanna hear, so you need an excuse. And whoever is standing in front of you provide you the reason to escape, hence the words.


But on the other hand, words kill too. Good intentions, poor words choice - sarcasm at the maximum level, doubting others concern or priorities wouldn't do. You might even lose the support you're getting. Words matter, so be kind. Say good words. The helps or attention you're seeking (in a good way) may reach you through good words and polite manners. We have different styles and do expect the difference we are packaged with. The goodness may reach you in a way you wouldn't be expecting, perhaps by our own means - not necessarily financially. Whatever, Allah knows best. As long as niat baik-baik, then I guess we'll get there.


And perhaps maybe because of that too, we perceived whatever they went through was easy - because we made up our version of stories of their life anyway - which made me sigh again, for I've read the stories of their lives a few times before. Ironically, it's the opposite, hence the sigh.


Highlighted key points that I consumed were 3: Good food, good education and love.
I'll add two more to my dictionary: Good words and positive perception.



20160927

reflection knock 6: just another day,

Assalamualaikum:)

This gonna be a quick post of another episode of life-wondering-thoughts.



Satu


When the time is ticking and all you have is your give-it-up thoughts, sorry but you can't help to think, so am I gonna give up two things today instead of one? And you'll continue on, with worries and feeling guilty for the long wait of another patient outside, while praying that you'll passed what ever you  have in hands in one go and then you can call in the other patient. But deep down, somehow, you feel unfair. To both of them. Because the one on the chair deserved your attention, and the one sitting outside deemed your service. And it's impossible to be at both places at the same time, attending different needs, and you're not up to that level too. And to what ever you have in hands, you're being unfair too. It should be good, as perfect is not your thing yet, and you should be doing it with all of your heart. Then you'll be satisfied with what ever you're providing to the patient.


But of course, you don't. You continue on, thinking of both. 


And no, the results will not be amazing. It'll be another messy thoughts crowding in your head for the day, which you carry with you every day. 


And repeat. For a year. (No!)



Dua



Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do
Sometimes


It''s true, strange and beautiful, Aqualung.



Tiga

There's a truth behind a cry
There's a cry behind a lie
There's a hope on every fright
There's a light on every night


Uh, I miss the Letto moments.




Empat

I remember reading this in Aug this year, 'cause it's part of the difficult moments, of being here. 


" Don't say it's the most bla bla bla - the most difficult moments ever, the worst day of your life, the worst time in your life, the most of anything-you-wanna-complain-bout."


'Cause it's not. And you'll face another day as such later in life. And you can't stop saying - it is your worst day ever. 


Just say - it's just another day. Another bad day. Just another difficult moment. Just another full-of-dramas-and-emotions-kind-of day. 


It would help.

It would sooth your heart a bit.
It would not make you as depressed as you would when you start to think that your day is the worst day ever.

It would help.

And a few days later, the thoughts of it being the worst day ever would slowly disappear, till you barely remember your feelings back then.

And it is no longer your worst day ever.

'Cause you're just heading into another bad day.

And that's okay.

It's just another day.

You'll passed through.
You'll be alright.

Smile, it's just another day.

And as usual, my so-called short note is not short at all haha
Kay, i'll be fine insyaAllah!

Senyumlah! :)



-1018pm, you know where 


20160922

always

Assalamualaikum! :)

At this time of the year, the best thing to do is to review old posts in September. Or, a lil bit of October and November maybe. Why? 'Cause that's how it is hihi

Quoting myself in 2012, 
"Lima hayat lagi kita punya ruang dan peluang."  
"Lima hayat pastilah dengan semangat!"
"Kerana kita tidak tahu aturan hidup dalam kitab Tuhan."
"Maka berserahlah."

Hari-hari yang terlihat penting dalam bulan ini berlalu, perlahan tapi laju detiknya. Semacam ada yang kurang, dirasa - tapi sekadar mampu dibiar berlalu saja kerana detik itu di luar kawalan kita. Apa-apa pun, semoga baik-baik saja, sebagaimana lima hayat lepas. Tcare.

buttoberandomjustleetmewritethisdownbecauseitsseptemberneverthelesssoheyuyhowareyouhihiifoundspigyptsomewherearoundmylifeandihopeyouresurvivingwellcauseyourecoollikethatforeverlulzdunnoifourpathswillevercrossagainbutwhateveritisipraythebestforyoujustbecauseyouremyimaginaryfriendssinceforeverlulzletmecountforamomentandohitsbeenalongeightyearssincethefirstdaysoheyletusmakeanepicjourneyhahaokaybyetakecaremydearstranger.