It's been almost a year now since the last post, so hey!
Can't even remember what I wrote, so I've read the last post again and now I guess I deserve the tightest hug ever 'cause girl, you soooo deserve it! You did well, you did very well despite the ugliness of it all (ah sorry not sorry for the very early negative vibes 'cause life sucks haa it's no joke so yeah it's ugly and you did very well by surviving through it and still alive! -- p/s: pun intended, please tell me you got the croods' joke here xD) so yeahh here's some hugs and love for myself! *self pat* <3
To that girl, I love you!
I'm from the future so yup lemme summarize it all for you;
Life goes on.
(and you're okay, well most of the days!)
I guess you were looking for some escapism or maybe a clearer path or purpose last year, and He did guide you to and through it. Mobilisasi for two months and then (finally, like finally after months of waiting) it's out - and remember you had this moment of sadness as you're about to unload the truth and you felt so alone and deep inside you, you prayed that she's still here to keep you company through it all and yet you know it's such a wishful thinking and yup, you ended up facing the future on your own. And I'm gonna hug you tighter for surviving that moment of your life.
Then you've embarked the new, long road ahead of you for quite some time now. It's not the same road but it was alright. Sure, things were not great either. I'm sorry that you can't go back for that one event (like THAT one event of life you're compulsory to attend 'cause it's the singletbands dream day!) but gurl you missed it, so I'm gonna go cry with you now wuwu and few more episodes of heartache came too and yup let's cry some more because the truth is the pain is still there and no we're not done yet with all these non-ending trials oh how trying these past few months are so aaa you just gotta stay sane and just put your trust in Him.
The aim today was to write a proper non-negative things or life update but the reality of life can't beat this so here's the truth. We're still struggling to make it day by day, but we're getting by, slowly. And that's the update for now.
Apart from getting to know others' life progress (or progresses, I would say hehe alhamdulillah guys and girlsss for whatever next life goals or milestones you're achieving or getting close to next) and being happy for them, you can't help but to wonder about yours, can you?
Well, there's two perspectives on this at the moment.
One (the dominant one)- It's okay like real okay because at this moment, truly I can't afford another load of weight hahhah i'm barely surviving, can't you see? Haha and to know that some fellow actually move on and got what he's looking for since last year, ah thank God and congrats to you because honestly I know how dark, twisty (i'm no Meredith but hey it's Greys xD) and depressing I was and still am haha so yeah it's good to know that you're moving along alright :D
And the absolute core would be - our priority. And mine at the moment, is about the F. Hence, the attitude and perspective of whatever, it's your life so heyy i'm happy for you and your achievements and it's okay for me too 'cause i just want to move forward at this pace for now and i'll just go with the flow so yeah let's be happy at our own pace and place, okayy? -- aah please read this with some imaginary background of love sprinkles and balloons and wideee smile :)
Yup, and I think acknowledging this state of my mind now is very crucial in um surviving my days, no? Ah okay whatever i think it is so yeah, let's just allow these word of affirmation to seep deeper inside me *glup glup*
Oh the other minor thoughts would be, umm well I'm quite unsure of it too, actually. It's like those brief thoughts that pass you by at some random hours. You just -- think and wonder, i guess?
Well I think that pretty much concludes the day. Oh life can be quite rough I guess and I know I'm putting a higher barricade or whatsoever this is, but aahh how I wish we can see things a little bit clearer and not as messy as it is now and maybe, a lil bit uncomplicated, please? Because honestly I think this is sooo complex and vague and complicated and dark and heavy, ahh how do you even live through this?
I want to be at peace.
Semoga Tuhan memeluk semua doa kita dan bagi jalan keluar dan bawa masuk ke taman-taman tenang dan penuh kasih sayang. Doakan kita semua tenang dan baik-baik okay?
22082021, 3.05pm, cca2 still, brighter days pls.
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