Reflection knocks 14: To the (unknown)

Salam.

Finally, I'm (almost) at the end of this.
Not sure how this is gonna end but always, you know we would always pray for the best in this dunya and the next so yup we always have that positive thinking with the anything-under-the-sun-may-come-in-between-and-just-turn-life-into-another-plot-twist kind of thoughts. Well that's okay.

It's been a long three weeks of a roller-coaster ride for this final exam, deeming energy and extra time which we surely are running out of, and magical understanding of everything which obviously doesn't work for me haha so yup, somehow each day passed by slowly and yet, they did - and no matter how bad I felt each day, Alhamdulillah, He let me go through (still) with lesser and lesser guilt and bad thoughts each day (whoops).

Alhamdulillah, I am actually grateful that He let things in this world temporary. Wait.

Nope, well to me, it's kind of sad actually to have changing feelings - wait, are we talking about love now? Hmm well love and other things that you wished would stay as long as it possibly can okay - like when you are blessed and have a happy day/life/moments, don't you wished that you could stay in that zone for the rest of your life? Didn't you pray that you could always be that happy or whatever it is, didn't you see how nice it would be if this last for ever? 

So yup, on one side, you know that you have that moment/feeling/whatever that is worth to be permanent - but nope, the rule of life by Allah (sunnatullah) is this world is a temporary place, thus the moment too.

Terus, apa kaitannya dengan kesyukuran bahawa dunia ini sementara dengan semua ini?

Well dengan temporary-nya hakikat hidup di dunia ini, somehow at times I am glad that feelings are temporary too. Especially when you're feeling down or bad, so Alhamdulillah for Allah did not make it permanent (or you'll be depressed for the rest of your life, no?). Slowly, no matter how bad things were, or how down you may be, somehow slowly each day Allah alleviate those negative feelings and thoughts from your heart and (slowly but surely) you feel better again. You are healed! By the mercy and love of Allah! sobs T_T

The same goes for this exam thingy and its impact each day. When I think I can barely survived the day, He guides me through the day until I walked out and said "I survived today and still alive, Alhamdulillah." And that goes on for these three weeks. Alhamdulillah, (personally) I'm not that happy with my performance (because I know I can always do better) but that's fine, okay - you did try your best and that should be enough for now, okay. 

Now, since there are possibilities that (if panjang umur la kan) some day I'll just randomly tekan my random post and read whatever happened to me in the past life (gituu, I always fall in love - and sometimes hate - with my self when I re-read whatever I've wrote in the past --- it's like reading my own novel when I'm feeling low and knowing that I've survived some difficult days before, it kind of make things easier or possible, and boost my spirit too, well kind of la). ----- no doubt now, i love myself, okay. so whatever happened, happened. and for whatever reason it was, Alhamdulillah I am grateful for everything and for the unknown.

Wait tadi nak tulis apa sebenarnya? Haaa lulz easily distracted. Okay in case I'll read this again, I'm just gonna note down how these three weeks went by (to validate all these rants, obviously haha)


Pro III 2017 (Here,harus lah kann)

Week 1


23 Julai

• Perio MCQ
• Perio SAQ
• OMOP MCQ
• OMOP SAQ

24 Julai

• Ortho SAQ (2 hrs, 45 min of ....idk)
• GDP MEQ (2 hrs, 30 min of 34 pages of ...idk too --- and you can't answer the next pages if you didn't finish the one on your table, then sibuk2 masukkan dan keluarkan satu2 kertas soalan dari envelope pulak oh my lama pulak jadinya nak urus hal kertas soalan dan envelope ni lulz padahal soalan senang pun takleh jawab apatah lagi yang susah eg camne nak kira BMI oh my whatever i don't even care how to calculate my BMI anyway haha)

25 Julai

• Cons MCQ
• Cons SAQ

No comment. Hmm life is that serious, you see.

26 Julai

• Pros SAQ
• Pros MCQ

I remember telling myself betapa dalam hidup ini ada banyak sangat masalah yang tak tertanggungkan sebagaimana banyaknya masalah prostho ni semua haaaa

27 Julai

• Paeds MCQ
• Paeds MEQ

I refused to remember, because oh tetiba teringat, when everybody is all prepared for oral amoxicillin, then somehow patient ni takleh tolerate oral and allergic to penicillin, so now what? Apa HUSM formulary, max dose of (apa) pulak ni? Tak nak clinda pulak. But some (like me) insisted bagi je la for the sake of answering the question knowing that patient tu akan develop whatever rashes ke allergic reaction la haha sambil dalam hati cakap sorry Dr but we just don't know and we just answered because it kind of hurt to see the blank space there hahaha

Maka habislah minggu satu. I repeat, minggu satu baru. Tujuh subjects (still alive, Alhamdulillah).


Minggu 2


31 Julai

• Paeds (w 2 active stations) + OMOP (1 active station je) OSCE

Started with perbualan seorang diri dengan cordless phone with imaginary teacher kat sekolah mana entah yang student avulsed ni like whatever haha, and complex and blur history taking of omop case huaaa

1 Ogos (tetiba dah ogos okayy nangis)

• OMOP VIVA (10 minit of my confused knowledge)
• Ortho VIVA (20 minit yang lama sangat because ...idk)

2 Ogos 

• Paeds VIVA (10 minit yang equal to 20% haha- started with you ni .... ke? Wow plot twist, la sangat hahah)

3 Ogos

• Prostho VIVA
• Perio VIVA
• OMFS VIVA
• Cons VIVA

Each room 20 minit, like lepas habis prostho kringgg keluar masuk perio pulak boom boom gituu tak sangka we survived too, padahal ni macam kira berani mati jugaklah lepas kena tembak sekali keluar then masuk bilik lain pulak kena bom haha (i don't know if it was the reality or not, but i would like to believe that i heard someone said YDW today sobs imaginary pun imaginary lah, at least I keluar with a smile and some giggle dari situ haha some simple good words meant a lot during this crucial time)

Maka habislah minggu kedua. Ketakutan untuk viva was undeniable. Mestilah kan, you have to cover semuaaa benda dalam subject tu and expect soalan to be like ... anything-under-the-sun. And you goreng like minyak tak berapa panas, pastu takut2 terpercik minyak pulak, ishh camne nak goreng ni haaa camtu. Susah. Tapi alhamdulillah still alive jugak.

(terus keluar makan dengan Gebuuuu malam tu T_T)

Minggu 3 (this week)

6 Ogos

• GDP Entrepreneur presentation aka VIVA (30 minit okay what to say now, tang mana pulak nak jadi entrepreneur niii with DrB and DrR. Goreng sikit, hangit terus haha i cannot, last-last perbualan bertukar dengan drastik sampai last2 DrB tanya, "... so kenapa you ambik Dentistry in the first place?" Wahahahaha i don't know Dr hahaha lulz apakah perbualan di hujung tahun lima ni jadi begini hahaha ni total plot twist, i just wanted to end this journey well tanpa kisah where I'll be next, hence my uncertainties tapi Dr nampaknya berminat nak tau ke mana hala tuju kami lulz sorry Dr but I cannot predict my future yet so yup, I'll just continue to write then haha ----i'm keeping this story first okay, insyaAllah one day nanti kita cerita balik apa yang jadi sepanjang 30 minit tu lulz)
• OMFS SAQ (eh bukan 2 hours pulak tetiba jadi 1hr and 15 min eh laju la tulis, tapi blur je banyak lulz apakah)

7 Ogos 

• it's final --- OMFS OSCE (w 3 active stations)- Like last active station boleh pulak kelam kabut instrument jatuh ke lantai la, twist terbalik la, haa apa-apa je la i just wanted to end this haha

And petang tu, the list (half of it) keluar. I'm nowhere in the list - leaving me in this state of doubt, hence the heading (the unknown).


So yup, we're still waiting for the next list to be out, then pray hard that insyaAllah if He wills it, everyone would end this well, and if it's not His will yet, then may He guide us through. Till then, I guess I shall pray for the best for all.

InsyaAllah we'll be okay, amin! :)


-080817, a different day, woke up as early as 3am just because we slept wayyyy earlier last night, still here, in good and positive thoughts hehe