Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, Assalamualaikum.
There are something
stuck in my head. They are these words:
Emotion and focus. You can’t put them together as you like. You
got your emotion, but you can’t guarantee your focus. But once you lose you
emotion, you lose your focus.
Ouch, those scars came and is haunting me again.
I heard this before. If you got some problems, the first step you
must do is to admit that you are having one.
So, I am admitting that I’m having some problems now.
Time flies but scars remains. Too bad, I tried to forget the existence of those scars but the same person brought it alive again, recently. I
felt those pain again.
It reflects back to those stick-in-my-head-today words; emotion
and focus. Those scars are here again because of those emotion and focus. Some small
incidence that others might perceived as a small matter, a slight
misunderstanding – for me, it wasn't. It revived those scars and I hate myself
for being in that few-seconds situation.
I just kept my eyes closed because I know, I’m hating myself for being in
that situation, again. I hate me for letting myself down for the same
reason, the small reason. Just because you lost your emotion and your focus –
and I was there, watching like an idiot.
I have these words playing in my head for quite some time.
If you have any intention on attempting 'suicide', leave out the
rest. Don’t get others involved. Go and do it alone, all by yourself.
If you are having problems with someone, go and face that person. Don’t
get others involved. Go and face it alone, all by yourself.
Heavy sigh.
I said to myself, it may be because of the upbringing. I was in
different situation, got scolded in a better way, perhaps. Tend to sulk for a
few seconds after that. But after a few minutes, I have to admit and accept the
truth. I was advised so that I know what are my faults, what I should/shouldn't do and what I should do in those situation.
But it may be a different case for others. They might grew up in
different ways of upbringing. Perceptions are different too, leading to
different ways to cope in the same stressful moments, leading to different
emotions and focus controls. And in the end, give different impacts on their
life & others.
Ouch, the truth hurts.
So the lesson is, if you are fighting with your emotions, don’t
invite me to be part of it because I’m too fragile and I might get additional
scars ha-ha Let’s learn how to play with our emotions, how to adapt others
opinion about us with our emotion, how to accept them when they are true (even
if they are hurting us- well, the Prophet Muhammad PBUH said, say the truth
even if it’s bitter) when they were delivered in an appropriate and acceptable ways, how to
reject them when they are untrue with wisdom and intelligence without hurting
others emotionally, mentally or psychologically. Keep that focus around and don’t
let them go just because we lose our emotion.
Remember, our acts reflects our inner self. And to you, naazreen –
just because others seem to be lacked in something, that doesn't mean you are
better. Perhaps, it just make you think and wonder about diversity and
humanity. And yes perhaps, personality. Accept those flaws, cherish those scars
(especially the latest one Ha-ha) and be neutral. You can face this, you are
stronger than this. Smile. Salam :)
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