With that being said, well obviously 9/10 Ramadan berlalu dengan laju tak tertahankan dan pergi begitu saja. Hmm apa yang jadi ya? I want to remember it as those days yang ada some impact or at least ada some meaning ke apa, but i guess in the end it's all about some 24 year old girl yang kalut-kalut tak tahu nak kejar requirements mana yang patut settle dulu because obviously everything is not completed and yet you want to end this five year process in this one go. Well- maksudnya apa tu, maksudnya it's all about this somebody cuba mengejar dunia tapi dunia ini ternyata melelahkan dan tak terkejarkan pun. Dan masa haruslah begitu, berlalu tak tersedarkan dan bila kita toleh ke belakang balik - oh lima enam bulan dah berlalu dan setahun pun sudah sampai ke hujung.
Dan ini adalah saat-saat kita terasa teruji - dari semua sudut. Sudut melihat orang selesai, sudut menunduk tengok kaki dan tangan yang kosong tak pasti mampu ke tidak, sudut cubaan memahami kenapa kita begini dan kenapa yang pernah sampai boleh lari, sudut orang yang nak mendidik tapi gagal di mata kita yang kurang terdidik, sudut cari cahaya untuk tiga bulan atau enam bulan ke masa depan, dan sudut-sudut kecil tu semua.
Di mana kita?
I'm almost at the end of the time. There's only six days left. Times two. Make it about twelve chances. And pray hard that these twelve chances won't go wasted and it can turn your whole life around into something you'll call miracle.
*nangis hormonal tapi lagu pun kenapa sedih time ni*
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know
- Well part of me is being hormonal but John Legend singing Ordinary People at this moment is another thing okay - cryyy T__T
Anyway let me tell you a story. It so happened that in this final year, I actually found someone.
Plot twist: Nope. Actually last year. During my fourth year. In Perhentian. Someone who actually listened to Vincent. Like hello, Vincent kot --- remember? While staring at the stars - the so-called star gazing moments by the beach - this someone can sing 'Stary stary night'. Like weiii hello there my friend!
Sebenarnya takde la baru jumpa as in tak pernah jumpa. Ada je through out these five years lolo cuma baru tahu ehh tahu lagu Vincent ke? Aww this must be fate!
Seterusnya cerita bersambung di tahun lima - bila dikongsi satu lagu sedih menghiris-hiris hati lulz dengar tajuk je pun tahu betapa nazak nya keadaan kami berdua saat ini lolo
And this time, it's called --- stay alive.
Ouch.
It's like dengar je rhythm and the song as general walau tak berapa nak dengar lagi lyric, pastu okay boleh terus down sujud di lantai menangis lolo over gila haha, tapi seriously Jose Gonzalez's Stay Alive sedih kot hahah (sambung being hormonal and cry part 2)
Thanks umi, for suddenly being here, for being around. Even at one moment (in May/June 2017- towards the end of this), perbualan kami berbunyi begini, "We meet at the right time." Lololo
And dah berapa kali juga actually terfikir satu benda ni. It is something that seems like the truth but you don't wanna share it because the truth hurts. It happened almost, almost (or actually, almost every time it happened, you think about this possibility) every time when you think it won't work -- and somehow, it really didn't. And you sit - and ponder bout this possibility.
Could it be real?
That if you're not ready, it wouldn't come close to you, or it didn't come to you because you're not ready.
-- and tonight, two lights fade away - and every time they run away (I would say they run, because each time, I always see myself as someone who actually is running after them and keep pestering around -- and that's exhaustive you see, I don't really enjoy that moments of interrupting other people's life and time, asking their time and energy to keep their mouth open for me to do things -- which of course, if it's me, someday i'll run too, made them run, too) -- every time they run, my heart ached. Like this small, throbbing but dull pain at that one spot like somebody just stabbed you and they just went away - haaa seriously though, this is not me being hormonal, this is me being honest (too bad - i'm that emotional lolo). Welcome to my heart, guys.
---------
Guess that ends my rant tonight.
Till then, please pray for me and all of us, that He'll bestow upon us,
whatever is the best for our dunya and akhirah.
---
Overthinking bout dunya.
Goodbye world.
(:
*run*
(i mean, sleep).
1156pm, 19 June 2017
(ohmy birthday sape tuu coming real soon awww - always).
take care! :)
1156pm, 19 June 2017
(ohmy birthday sape tuu coming real soon awww - always).
take care! :)
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