being a insan

in the name of Allah, the Creator. 

knowing that you're supposed to be doing something else but you're here now,

i would like to end these thoughts, for today

so yeah i feel like running away again

this time would be with the worst initiator, so far

i am feeling sorry for myself

for being less

less in everything you would point

less than others

less than the average

simply saying,

for being

dumb

and yet

still being here

sorry 

and how does it affects you

when others started to hate you

when you already hate yourself?

it's like 

you knew you're a cat in a sea of fish

and someone else come and tell you

you're a cat

it's almost like

i knew it

even if you didn't tell me

and so

it almost affects me

almost

or maybe it does

slightly

it slightly affects me

(yeke? i doubt myself. as always)

perhaps it hugely affects me
till i feel like sinking
to the bottom of the sea

and being a cat

you hate it

and being hated

because you're a cat

is hateful

no?

haha how could i fill in my world with so much hatred now?

they say

if you see evil in others,

then maybe you are a person of evil

if you see goodness in others,

then maybe you are a person of goodness

so hmm

i can relate

evil, no goodness

no goodness, evil

this hatred

that i assumed as painful

is evil

and i am evil

evil to myself

and others

(sigh)

get up, insyaAllah this pain

will change me

slowly

*continue to sink*

"... and if something befalls you, then don’t say ‘If I only would have done such and such,’ rather say ‘Allâh ordained this and He does what He wills’ for verily the phrase ‘If I would have’ makes way for the work of the Devil.”

La tahzan. 

If you're sad,
read this, 

Letting Go

hey if i am sad again

because of this

or because of thousands of other trials 

remind me

to read this out loud

from the first sentence

to the last

and let me absorb each word

into my mind and heart

and remind me to say

Alhamdulillah and Astarghfirullah

at the end of it

because i felt glad this time

that i did so

because perhaps

somehow

though not totally

(i might cry anytime, again)

somehow

some pieces of those pain

start to detach themselves

from me

or was it me

who started to detach myself

from some pieces of those pain

(never knew that pain comes in pieces haha)

perhaps both

Alhamdulillah

bye

i'm praying we'll be less weaker than we were 

perhaps, it applies to me only

i'm praying that i'll be less weaker than i was

maybe i'm not going to be stronger 

so soon

being less weaker

is good enough

i guess

for me

yes

perhaps yes

amin

take care of your hearts,

may Allah stocks them up with loves

and destroys every piece of hatred if there's any

amin amin amin

fighting

after all

it's you

against yourself

kan?

insyaAllah a better future is coming,
i'm waiting
in tears and pain
but i'm smiling
so please
run to me
please

haha ;D